hmmm... i dunno how i'm feeling these days.... maybe freed or maybe burdened...? but i know i'm stressed over job hunting~ well well well... engineer... am i gg to be one? banker?... errr doesn't sound right~ ppl are like tt, just bcos they've gt an engineering degree, it seems a waste not to go into the engineering field... but life's short u noe... and its like once u embarked on the journey to the ist job, seems like for all your life, you're gonna to be in that line... cos jobs require experience and experience needs years to build up... how many prime years will u have? then... a few weeks back a fren msged some stuff and a serious conversation was made via smses... i dun like tt cos its too much of a hassle and i din really get to say what i wanna say but then.... I'll feel stupid to bring it up again... not actually lah but a pity tt i din let my fren see my pt. my fren was offended once when i twisted her hand while she was trying to show me a scar... n she was pretty upset and wondered why would i be so mean to twist her hand when none of her frens would wanna hurt her.... to that... i was pretty taken aback.... why? i tell u now... cos i cant explain why then cos like i say, i was taken aback by the smses haha.... I wasn't mad at anything or anyone regarding this but myself cos I couldn't manage to explain myself ahha. me me me! ok here's how it goes.... to me... tt was purely my reflexes! i really din twist her hand on purpose!!!i din even know tt i've hurt her till she goes "OUCH!" according to my memory, her scar was at an awkward position and i couldn't see it when she wanna show me, so, in order to see it, i just adjusted the position of her hand so tt i can see the scar and of cos! by so doing.... i unknowingly was twisting her hand!!!!!!! cos its not my hand so i wasn't aware of the pain when i was adjusting her hand but i din do it on purpose i swear to... to... {i dunno who shld i swear to...} its just a similar situation when i'm asking u for the time and i would take ya hand and slightly adjust it in a direction so tt can see the watch. difference is... the clock's face is always upright so there's no chance tt i will twist ya hand, and if ever i do... then i'm doing it on PURPOSE! but here, the scar isn't la!aiya but then its still my fault cos me cause the hurt to her ... then me apologised....cos me not careful and was rough~ ok and me am violent... but then who says tt u can only hit back a person on the face if he/she hits u in the face?! to me its kinda absurd~ cos if u gonna get physical... dun expect ppl to exchange blows tts of the same strength!how are u gonna gauge and control ya strength just to match the other party's? ok... i'm at the losing end here becos of the eggshell theory in law TMD! i'll just strike at the nearest possible spot haha. tts my reflex! to anybody. just like if somebody's gonna bite me, at all cost i'll push the person away ... even if tt's my MOM! get it? so if wanna play dun get offended la k :P. cos if i'm being slapped on the face cos i hit u first, i won't get mad at u even if u hit me real hard cos i STARTED IT IST! but haha... i'm not you and you not me... so i've already trained myself to accept it so am cool with it. then i know tt i'm a disappointment to many but... just that i din say.... i'm disappointed in you [you in general] as well. i accompanied you and gave u my opinions when u needed them [put aside the fact to whether how good my opinions are but at least i'm really sincere in making them and i dun give to patronize] and i make sure i dun give u tt impatient look even if i really am cos i dun want u to make a haste decision bcos of me and regret later! but u are a total opposite to me... when u dun get ya stuff and when i'm choosing mine... u give me tt : wah liao, stop wasting my time and ugly black face~ and when u got yours... u'll then begin to give tt apologetic face and say to me : hey u haven got ya stuff leh how... how i feel like telling u to fuck off! but i wont cos i dun do that to my frens and i dun wanna do that too... the point is that, i dun even bother much abt not getting my stuff ... its like i dun like to be treated this way so i wont treat u the same way. "ji suo bu yu, wu shi yu ren..." why ppl dun get it? tt further affirms why i wan to do things on my own at times... cos ppl are selfish and this way, maybe i'll feel better, knowing less selfishness of my frens, of mankind~ tmd ! i'm just talking crap and fuck it! oh... one last thing.... can stop denying me? you spend on ipods/mp3s/clothes/food, tt's ya biz. i din reprimand u of spending on things tt i dun think much on so why shld u! u tell me to stop wasting money when i took up guitar classes, shook ya head when i buy guitar or express interest of getting a multitrack recorder.... but why cant i? ok i dun use them for a living but for leisure cannot meh. must form a band then i can possess these stuff meh or u wan me to have them at the age of 62 when i retire..... u tell me!in the end i really dislike u at times. | 
